Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
