I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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