I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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