so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
