i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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