I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
