my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
