I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
