What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
