I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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