I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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