If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You took a bar mat shot.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
