My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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