Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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