Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
