Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
