I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
