I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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