My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
