I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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