windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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