so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
