Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize
