she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
