my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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