my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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