did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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