what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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