I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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