I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
