just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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