i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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