i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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