I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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