I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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