and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just invented taco cereal.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
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lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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