i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
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He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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