He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
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You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
whose parrot is this?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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