Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
