its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
