I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
