is your mom at the bar?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
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Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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