Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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