All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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