Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
