I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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