So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
