just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
