Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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