this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
