we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
