I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
