Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
