I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
