It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
