I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
