Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
