do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
