I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
