she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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