nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
