If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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