I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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