did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize