You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
